On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
