Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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