if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
