Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
