I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
