Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
