Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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