watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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