Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
