I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
