Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
