can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
