So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
