I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you.
Bad choice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
