It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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