I think i peed on brittanys purse
We named our party play list daddy issues
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
