OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
