He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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