how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
