I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
