Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
