Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I smell stomach acid.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
