Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize