i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I could fuck to npr.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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