Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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