You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
