whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize