I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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