i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
