You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cannot find my penis.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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