It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
