Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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