What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they're like a gay fantastic four
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize