Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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