Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
