Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
