i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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