Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
