god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
