her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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