I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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