everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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