Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize