Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
