Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
