I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
