Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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