My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
