I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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