he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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