Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
