her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize