this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
