Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
