Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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