it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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