I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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