wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
