There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
