walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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