I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize