You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
