So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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