We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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