..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
