I looked at my own cervix.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
