It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
