Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
