His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
