Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
