this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
