He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
