Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
